


It wasn't me

by shaggingtomlinson



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: A lot of talking, I suck at tags, I'm Sorry, M/M, Talking, i guess, mindswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 17:06:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10518105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaggingtomlinson/pseuds/shaggingtomlinson
Summary: It had just been a couple of weeks prior that everybody around him felt it was safe enough for him and Gavin to be alone for a longer period of time and Gavin had asked him out to lunch. Ryan had happily agreed and it was while they're were talking and laughing between bites of burgers and fries that he realized how much he actually missed these moments with Gavin and how much Gavin deserved to know the truth about everything.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Misplaced](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1580630) by [achievemenhunter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/achievemenhunter/pseuds/achievemenhunter). 



> So I read Misplaced by achievemenhunter yesterday and I loved it so much that it inspired me to write this. 
> 
> You should absolutely read that before you read this because 1) it's really good and 2) this won't make any sense without reading that first. 
> 
> It's been years since I've actually written anything and this is also the first time I've ever written anything rooster teeth/achievement hunter, so I hope you like it!

Ryan's palms were sweating as he concentrated really hard to get him and Gavin back to the Rooster Teeth campus without having to stop and throw up. His whole body felt weird and he didn't know what made him decide that what he was about to do was a good idea.

 

It had just been a couple of weeks prior that everybody around him felt it was safe enough for him and Gavin to be alone for a longer period of time and Gavin had asked him out to lunch. Ryan had happily agreed and it was while they're were talking and laughing between bites of burgers and fries that he realized how much he actually missed these moments with Gavin and how much Gavin deserved to know the truth about everything.

 

He had promised himself that he wouldn't tell anyone, - nobody would believe him anyway - but it was slowly killing him to know that Gavin would always have the fact that Ryan could attack him again at the back of his mind.

 

They wouldn't feel completely relaxed around each other until everything was out in the open, so in the middle of lunch Ryan had decided that it was time. He was completely aware all of the ways this could take, there was a huge possibility that Gavin would never speak to him again and that all of the progress they've made the last few months was just a waste. It was something Ryan felt he needed to do however.

 

As soon as he had parked his car in the parking lot and dried his hands on his jeans, he turned towards Gavin and laid his hand on his arm to stop him from exiting the car.

 

"Gavin, wait. I need to tell you something."

 

His voice was breaking and he cleared his throat and took a deep breath before he looked up at Gavin's face.

 

"What's wrong, Ryan? You don't look so good."

 

Gavin's eyes were filled with concern and Ryan wish he hadn't been the one to put it there. He never liked seeing him like that.

 

"Nothing's wrong, I promise. I just realized something today and I wanted to tell you while I have you alone."

 

Gavin straightened up in the seat a bit and his hand carefully made it's way to the handle of his door in case he quickly had to make his escape. Ryan couldn't say it didn't hurt, but he knew he couldn't blame him for doing it. He would probably do the same if the roles were reversed. Gavin didn't miss the hurt look on his face and his free hand moved to stroke his cheek.

 

"You know I want to trust you, Rye. It's just a bit hard to still."

 

Ryan closed his eyes and leaned into the touch for a second before he straightened up and looked back at Gavin.

 

"I know, don't worry about it. I don't blame you at all, promise."

 

Gavin smiled at him and removed his hand from his cheek.

 

"So what is it that you want to talk about?"

 

It took a second for Ryan to remember what he was there to do and straightened up in his own seat and cleared his throat once again.

 

"Right. This might seem totally crazy and you might not believe me at all and probably hate me forever and you'll probably tell everyone how fucking crazy I am, but I need to tell you this regardless and I need you to listen to me and not interrupt me until I'm done, okay?"

 

Gavin looked worried and Ryan was afraid he'd run out of the car before he even got to say anything else, but after what felt like several minutes Gavin nodded warily and motioned for him to continue.

 

"Do you remember before everything happened, when I said that my stomach hurt? The one you told me to get checked?"

 

When Gavin nodded again, Ryan took one last long breath before he spoke again.

 

"Turns out that it wouldn't have mattered if I did or not. I was in the bedroom that day hanging up the last of your shirts while you were in the kitchen and my stomach went crazy before everything just went completely dark. The next thing I know I'm in this fucking creepy lab and there's dead bodies hanging all over the walls. It was fucking horrible, I've never seen anything so gruesome in my entire life and it made me throw up all over the place.

 

I was totally confused and out of it until there was a knock on the door. I had no idea what to do at first, but then I noticed the cape and the crown and had to act fast before anyone started to raise alarm that something was wrong with me. I used my acting skills to get out of there and I used /his/ memories to get me to the bedroom.

 

I could remember everything _he_ had done and it's fucking horrible. _He_ 's nothing like me and I was so scared and didn't know what to do, I just knew that I had to figure a way to get back to this, get back to _you_ before it was too late."

 

I'm pretty sure you know where I'm going with this, but I was trapped in an alternate version of me, a very horrible version of me. He goes by the name of James and he's a king, goes by the term "the mad king" to be exact. Everyone was scared of me while I was there and I absolutely hated commanding everyone around, but I knew I had to if I wanted to work in peace and find away back.

 

I met a few alternate versions of people we know while we were there, they were all working for me somehow and none of them could look me in the eyes while talking to me. It's a bit like how it was around here when I first got back to work after everything that happened, just more awful and sickening.

 

Anyway, when I was there, _he_ was here. When he figured out how completely opposite we are he decided to make my life a living hell before he left and _he_ knew that the most important person in my life is you. _He_ knew that messing with you would completely ruin me.

 

 _He_ started slow, slowly telling you things I wouldn't even have a problem with in the first place. I never minded you being close with the other guys, I've never been jealous of that because I knew nothing was going on. That was _him_ playing the victim and playing with your mind.

 

I also know what _he_ did to you, how _he_ fucked you and I know how you enjoyed it. I'm not mad about it, I know you thought it was me, but you know deep down that it's not something I would ever do to you before I was sure you were ready. I guess you were before I knew about it.

 

The scar I'll forever have on my body is a message _he_ left for me, a reminder that _he_ 'll have some control over me for the rest of my life. _He_ 's fully capable of making another potion and come back whenever _he_ want and _he_ knows there's nothing I can do about it. I just know that _he_ won't ever be able to see anything other than the inside of the hospital room when he does. The second I can feel it in my stomach, I'll get myself admitted. _He_ won't get near you ever again, I'll make sure if it."

 

His voice was almost gone now and tears were running freely down his cheeks, but he knew he had to finish telling Gavin everything before he could take a break. He cleared his throat a couple of times before he continued.

 

"I wasn't sure if _he_ 'd be in my body while I was in his, but I was so scared of what _he_ 'd do to you if _he_ was. I knew how ruthless _he_ could be and that _he_ wouldn't contain himself once _he_ knew _he_ could control my life. And I wasn't wrong, _he_ almost killed you when _he_ knew _he_ didn't have much time and _he_ knew that would slowly kill me when I got back. I have no idea what I'd do if you were dead because of _him_.

 

Getting back to this reality was confusing at first. I had no idea where I was and I couldn't remember anything, but then everything came back and I almost lost it. I had to demand the doctor to tell me everything and he had to assure me that you were alright, that _he_ hadn't managed to kill you when _he_ had the chance.

 

I thanked Jack, you know. Thanked Jack for knocking _him_ out before it was too late. And sometimes I wish that he'd done more than just knocking me out. I know it sounds horrible, but sometimes I wish I didn't come back and that _James_ was dead in this body. Coming back hasn't done me anything good.

 

Everybody is still scared of me even though they do a damned good job trying to hide it, you're still looking for a way to escape every time we're alone just in case and my mother calls me several times a day just to make sure I'm still taking care of myself now that she's not here to do so anymore.

 

And I know why that is and I blame absolutely no one for it, what _he_ did was cruel and I know that that's how _he_ controls his own kingdom and keeps everything like _he_ wants it and we both know that nobody will ever cross _him_ if they want to live.

 

I know all of this sounds absolutely insane and that you most likely won't believe me, but I needed to tell you. I wish there was some way to prove to you that what I'm saying is true, but that would probably include a trip for you to the alternate reality and I don't want that to happen to you. If the doctors found anything wrong with me when they tested me, I'd give you proof about that, but they didn't so that's what I'm telling all this."

 

He stopped and looked at Gavin when he could hear a broken sob coming from the other guy. He had no idea he'd been crying, too occupied trying to get everything he wanted to say out while Gavin was still listening.

 

"Gavin?"

 

He patiently waited for Gavin to answer, he knew that he needed to give him some time to process everything and figure out if he was telling the truth or not.

 

It was probably just a couple of minute before he could see Gavin ready to speak.

 

"Wow. I - I'm not sure how to respond to that. My head is just filled with information and thoughts that doesn't make sense, but at the same time do."

 

At least he wasn't being screamed, laughed at or run out from, Ryan took that as a plus for him.

 

"You don't have to say anything, really. I understand that it's a bit much to process and that you probably need to be alone right now, so maybe I'll just leave you here for a bit and you can decide to do after this."

 

He turned around to leave the car when he felt a hand on his arm and looked back to see Gavin in the same position he had been in earlier.

 

"Ryan, wait. You can't just leave me alone with all this information, Ryan. I have questions. Just wait a minute, please."

 

Ryan nodded and sat back to watch Gavin silently go through everything in his head. He almost considered telling Gavin that he'd leave when Gavin turned to look at him again.

 

"It makes sense you know, everything you've told me. It never felt completely right whenever I was with _him_ and now I know why. The sex was way too aggressive and "you" suddenly changed your opinion about everything I did, as if you tried to make me change. You've never been like that and I don't know why I never put that together.

 

I guess that makes me a horrible boyfriend, huh? Who's not able to tell when there's something wrong with their significant other? I should've know! Maybe I could've -"

 

Gavin was starting to ramble and Ryan had to stop him before it got too far.

 

"Hey, hey! Don't you ever blame this on yourself! You did absolutely nothing wrong! This was all _him_ and you blaming yourself is exactly what _he_ wanted you to do. He wanted to break you just like _he_ 's broken the Gavin in his world."

 

Gavin looked up at him with wet eyes.

 

"You met Gavin in his world?"

 

Ryan silently cursed himself for letting that slip up. He didn't want to tell his Gavin about alternate Gavin, but now that it was out, he knew he had to.

 

"I did and he reminded me so much about you even though James has completely broken him. The first time I met him I woke up to him giving me a blowjob and he was so scared when I told him to stop and to get out.

 

I didn't want to have sex with him, but I also didn't want anyone to know that I wasn't their king so I knew I couldn't avoid it forever. As soon as I slept with him though, he figured out that I wasn't. He told me it was too kind and that his king would never do that.

 

It was much easier when he knew about me though, since I didn't have to pretend to be someone I'm not, but it also made it way harder to for me to leave once I got to know him.

 

He's as kind and sweet as you and he had big dreams that James ruined when he became a king. All he is now is the king's sex slave basically and I guess that's what James wanted you to be if he had been able to stay longer.

 

I didn't want to leave him there, but you're much more important to me and I couldn't stay there knowing there was a possibility that _he_ was here doing the same to you that he did to "his" Gavin."

 

He shuddered thinking about what James could be doing to “his” Gavin right now, everything he could think of wasn't pretty.

 

"What was it like?"

 

He was pushed out of his thoughts and looked puzzled at Gavin?

 

"What was what like?"

 

Gavin tried to look as innocent as possible and avoided his eyes when he spoke up next.

 

"Having sex with another me?"

 

If Ryan's mouth hadn't been so dry after speaking so much he would have chocked on his own spit.

 

"I told you all that and all you can think about is how it felt having sex with someone other than you?"

 

He threw his hands of in the air and Gavin actually giggled.

 

"Oh come on, Ryan! I'm curious now, did it feel like having sex with me or was it a totally different feeling? I want to know, Ryan."

 

At least it was a positive thing that Gavin wasn't had about everything else he had just told him and it looked like he believed him.

 

Just as he was going to tell him that it felt exactly the same, there was a soft knock on the car window and they both looked up to see Geoff standing on the outside.

 

"Everything alright? You've been sitting in the car for a long time."

 

Ryan looked at Gavin first to check that he looked okay before looking back up at Geoff.

 

"Yeah, everything is great. We'll come inside in a minute."

 

Gavin just nodded at what Ryan had said and Geoff looked at them warily before nodding.

 

"OK, just hurry up assholes. We're all waiting for you to come back so we can film another let's play."

 

He turned to leave before he got a reply and they both sat in silence for a minute before anything was said.

 

"I guess we should get inside before one of them come back out to get us."

 

He looked at Gavin and could see that he didn't want to leave just like he didn't.

 

"Yeah, I guess so."

 

Ryan turned to leave, but was yet again stopped by a hand on his arm. He turned to look at Gavin who was not meeting his eyes.

 

"Hey, Ryan? Thanks for telling me everything. I believe you, you know."

 

Gavin exited the car before he could reply and he hurried to get out and meet him other side. Before he had a chance to thank him, Gavin grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze.

 

"Maybe we can talk more about this some other time? You still haven't answered my question."

 

Gavin was laughing and running to the door before he could even think about what question he was talking about and when he figured it out Gavin was already at the door to the building and smiling at him. Ryan smiled back and jogged to catch up to him at the door.

 

He knew that they were perfectly fine and that eventually things would get back to as close to normal that they could after everything that happened.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment and/or find me at [tumblr](http://shaggingtomlinson.tumblr.com/). I would love to hear what people think!


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